Witty Retort Quotes

By Evil Dr. Reef on Nov. 7, 2014
  • Krysty: How close are we to winning?
    Marcus: About as close as we are to China.
  • Derek: you lied to me on 12 separate occasions.
    Jim: Oh, more than that.
  • Jim: I wasn’t making a gay joke, I was making an incest joke. Get your facts straight.
  • Derek: As long as it’s not by my house,I hope it takes out as many people as possible.
    Jim: I don’t know if Derek is joking, but I’m not.
  • Rob: Is that one of those pay as you go phones?
    Jim: No, it’s YOUR phone.
  • Derek: He hasn’t heard you talk long enough to realize you’re not funny.
    Jim: But we’ve been talking for the last half hour. How haven’t you figured that out yet.
  • Derek: I’m not saying you did a bad job. I’m just saying you should have done better and I hate you.
  • Jim: The problem is that they’re Buddhists, so they don’t celebrate Christmas.
    Derek: yeah, THAT’S the problem.
  • Derek: And Dave was looking at another play called Orphan, but I don’t think that’s a comedy.
    Jim: It sounds funny.
  • Marcus: I don’t speak stupid.
    Jim: I find that hard to believe.

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